Ugly 3: Week 6, Day 1

Written on Keep Notes,

Hello, so this week will be the last week ill be having a mentor at work. Hanie will resign by the end of this week. Well, technically she's finishing her AL until the last day of the month.

I am nervous, this feeling has been with me for the past 6 weeks, I thought it will be gone without I even noticed but meh, it still here, with me.

I hate this feeling of not feeling good enough and self-doubting am I good enough to fill in her position?

Truthfully speaking, I don't think I am. I don't know if this feeling is normal, but if it was just the first two weeks, then I guess it is normal, but it has been 6 weeks yet here I am, doubting myself.

I'm scared to lead, I'm scared to make mistakes. All the uncertainties just, make me feel anxious. Nervous.

In this blessing month of Ramadhan, I pray that I will gain my confidence to get through this because, at the end of the day, I will never be alone, I must remember that Allah is always with me. Though I may feel alone, I am not. It is just that I don't acknowledge enough that Allah is with me. He never leaves me alone without any guidance. All this hardship will only do nothing but to build me, to shape me to be a better ummah.

Hey future Natrah, how are you? At this moment of writing, she is still scared. I hope future Natrah will be in a better place.

Xo, 19 Apr 21