Let’s Get This Over – For Once and For All

Hello people, today I’ll be going to tell you about the day I decided to tell a guy that I liked him, for the second time, geeez.

So this thing happened about three months ago back in August I think, before we muslim, entering our new year in hijri. I told myself that, I need to know where I’m heading with this feeling. If that guy likes me back, then yey, if not, then, move on, not everything in life I’ll be able to get. Or maybe now is not the right time to get it. But I just want to exactly know his feeling, you know? 

I've thought of doing this wayyyyy months before it happened. I already knew that I will tell him after I've submitted my FYP, well FYP, you did play an important role here. Just because in case things didn’t go my way or expectation, I won’t be carried away and not be able to focus with my FYP writings. You see, I never put myself in this “relationship” boat, simply because I don’t know how to react. I see some of my friends are in relationship. I have friends whose relationship has reached 8 years, 10 years, I’m just like, wow, how do you keep that feeling? And I also have friends that can easily change boyfriend. And even friends that are being dumped by their boyfriend. 

For me personally, being in relationship is putting your heart at risk, and I don’t have the courage, a strong one, to put my heart at it. I don’t wheather I’ll be like those girls that can easily accept the fact that they are not together anymore. Or rather I’d be those girls who constantly update their social media about how much they missed they exes. 

There are so much of possibilities that could happen. But one thing for sure to ensure which one is mine, I need to face it first! I’d be totally lying to you guys if I said I never had a feeling on other boys. I do have. But it just that I don’t have that courage to tell them. I just hope they notice it, BUT THEY NEVER DID. Hence, that’s the reason why I never been into one.

So on the last day of Zulhijjah, I’ve decided to dm-ed this guy and state my feeling towards him. My intention was just to tell him that, “hey, I still and do have feelings for you”. Just to let this thing off me. Previously I kinda did tell him I like him but it was just ‘hint’ if I may say. And this time around, I did state on the message that “I still like you”. You know, actually stating the word. Mind you that I did write a long ass message but just to summarise it up, it goes around that that.

Like I’ve stated before, if he says he too has feelings to me, then yey, if not, I’m just ok with it. I’ve been living my life not having any boyfriend, so it will not be that hard. And guess what he replied?

First of all, dem, I thought he’s just going to bluetick or ‘seen’ the message, but he did replied or write back. So, yey for reciprocating the effort. 

Here comes the ‘sad’ part. Long story short, it’s a NO. but as far as I could remember, he didn’t said ‘NO’, but it plays around that word la but better, thank you for not making me feel like shit kekeke. Well at least he put an effort to write it back tu pun kira bagus.

For the fact that this is my first time actually telling people that I like them, and it doesn’t end with a ‘yey’, it was kinda sad but life goes on. Maybe it’s not him that I would be ended up or getting married with. Yeah, I am of those that wanting to be in a relationship that will end with a marriage. 

It is no ones’ fault. Who knew I would have this courage to tell a guy that I like them? I mean, if I were to tell an 18yo me to boldly tell that guy that I HAVE FEELING FOR HIM, I wouldn’t dare to do it. And I don’t ever imagine I would do that. So that’s a good thing actually to have the courage to tell a guy you liked them. 

You know, the thing about just giving ‘hint’ is that, you will end up playing with your feelings and uncertainties. Like, does this guy likes me back or he does act like this around the other girls? So yeah, yey for a 23yo Natrah to have the courage to tell the guy she likes him!!

So all I have to do now is to be open to any new ‘opportunities’. Funny how I try not to like any other guy after I had my eye on the guy that I have feeling. I’d be lying if I say that there’s no guy tries to get me into the relationship. To know there’s a guy who has feeling towards me is something new tbh. I don’t know how to react. Which I ended up ignore them. I wonder what makes me ‘something’ in their eyes? I have a friend, who openly tell me that “weh, kau single ke? Aku crush do dengan kau”, and honey, I immediately ignore him, I feel like wow, ur so brave! And theres this one guy back in semester 7, asked for my phone number which he can actually find it on our class group’s whatsapp but acah mintak directly, and he ended up whatsapp me his feeling and I…… yes, of course, what did Natrah do? Ignore them! Correct. And there are also guys that I was told that they liked me through another friend, what did I do? Ignore them correct. And one of them even dare to call me at night. Yes, what did I do again? Ignore! 

Tu la, ignore lagi orang, hahahaah. Ok, that’s that. Well I hope future me will read this and laugh at my own self. Til then, Adios!