Another Commitment
Bismillah,
Hola everyone. I have a lab report to be submitted this Thursday, but here I am today, writing an entry for this abandoned blog. Such a bad author.
I've been thinking of blogging about this topic for the longest time, ok la tipu, not really. But I've been put this into the draft for quite a long. So here I am, trying to finish and post this entry today. I had a conversation with Farina today during EWC661 which is basically an English class btw, and it sparks some idea for this entry.
I was scrolling the Instagram feed and I saw a picture of my cousin with his boyfriend. I showed it to Farina and told her that how loner I am, never been in any relationship, no one wants me(jk I'll blog about this if I have time).
Her reply was different, she usually would say something like: jom single lepastu tinggal sama sama. Which obviously is a joke. I want to marry someone later kalau ada rezeki la.
Her reply was: It is just a matter of saying YES. boleh je kita nak in relationship dengan siapa siapa, tapi kita nak ke?
True enough, to be honest, I have never been in any situation that I know someone had feelings towards me, usually I'll be the one liking this person, but this person never likes me back: I never told any guy I liked them, I just assume they don't have feelings towards me because I'm scared to tell them my feelings huhu. YES, THE ASSUME GAME IS GOING STRONG IN ME!
But man, I have this one friend, or classmate I would add, had feelings towards me, and I go: wow, I'm not that bad after all. But I don't have feelings towards him so we just stay as a friend.
True enough, it really just a matter of SAYING YES. I don't really know but this is just a one man's opinion so wtv, open for discussion.
Since I've never been into that relationship phase in my life, yet, I never had the experience, so future husband: take note ok? Like I've said in one of my entry, I wanted my future self to read this blog and laugh at the current self for writing this kind of entry. Been thinking of giving the link to this blog to my husband as hantaran la ok, mahal kot, been writing since I'm in secondary so he should appreciate, (if I ever get married la)
I'm always scared of the word relationship, but there's this one side of me wanted to taste the feeling, but another half would pull that thought away. Seeing my friend getting in a relationship, and there's me, being scared of it.
One of the reasons for it, I would say is because of the commitment that it comes with the relationship. I don't think I am ready enough to give a commitment to a guy, whom I hope he will be my husband. Not just yet. I mean, what should I do? Should I text him every day? Do I have to tell him all the things that I do in a day? What if I forgot to text him? Would he be mad? What if I felt not to talk to him? What if we got into a fight? Would it affect my study? Would I cry my eyes out if one day he wanted to walk out of my life? What if I got too attached to him?
Yeah the what-ifs, so with that, I guess I'm just, not ready to add another commitment. All I know about a relationship is: well based on what I can see from my friends' experience is that you have to text them, or tell them your day. I know, it is more than that. But for that small part: sis angkat kaki dulu.
Maybe it is because I haven't found the 'ONE', that is why all these things seem hard. maybe?
This is just my thoughts on the relationship, don't be too hard on me puhlizz.
With that I end this entry, til then x
 |
| Would you like to add another commitment? Me: oh not now sorry got to go |
Hola everyone. I have a lab report to be submitted this Thursday, but here I am today, writing an entry for this abandoned blog. Such a bad author.
I've been thinking of blogging about this topic for the longest time, ok la tipu, not really. But I've been put this into the draft for quite a long. So here I am, trying to finish and post this entry today. I had a conversation with Farina today during EWC661 which is basically an English class btw, and it sparks some idea for this entry.
I was scrolling the Instagram feed and I saw a picture of my cousin with his boyfriend. I showed it to Farina and told her that how loner I am, never been in any relationship, no one wants me(jk I'll blog about this if I have time).
Her reply was different, she usually would say something like: jom single lepastu tinggal sama sama. Which obviously is a joke. I want to marry someone later kalau ada rezeki la.
Her reply was: It is just a matter of saying YES. boleh je kita nak in relationship dengan siapa siapa, tapi kita nak ke?
True enough, to be honest, I have never been in any situation that I know someone had feelings towards me, usually I'll be the one liking this person, but this person never likes me back: I never told any guy I liked them, I just assume they don't have feelings towards me because I'm scared to tell them my feelings huhu. YES, THE ASSUME GAME IS GOING STRONG IN ME!
But man, I have this one friend, or classmate I would add, had feelings towards me, and I go: wow, I'm not that bad after all. But I don't have feelings towards him so we just stay as a friend.
True enough, it really just a matter of SAYING YES. I don't really know but this is just a one man's opinion so wtv, open for discussion.
Since I've never been into that relationship phase in my life, yet, I never had the experience, so future husband: take note ok? Like I've said in one of my entry, I wanted my future self to read this blog and laugh at the current self for writing this kind of entry. Been thinking of giving the link to this blog to my husband as hantaran la ok, mahal kot, been writing since I'm in secondary so he should appreciate, (if I ever get married la)
I'm always scared of the word relationship, but there's this one side of me wanted to taste the feeling, but another half would pull that thought away. Seeing my friend getting in a relationship, and there's me, being scared of it.
One of the reasons for it, I would say is because of the commitment that it comes with the relationship. I don't think I am ready enough to give a commitment to a guy, whom I hope he will be my husband. Not just yet. I mean, what should I do? Should I text him every day? Do I have to tell him all the things that I do in a day? What if I forgot to text him? Would he be mad? What if I felt not to talk to him? What if we got into a fight? Would it affect my study? Would I cry my eyes out if one day he wanted to walk out of my life? What if I got too attached to him?
Yeah the what-ifs, so with that, I guess I'm just, not ready to add another commitment. All I know about a relationship is: well based on what I can see from my friends' experience is that you have to text them, or tell them your day. I know, it is more than that. But for that small part: sis angkat kaki dulu.
Maybe it is because I haven't found the 'ONE', that is why all these things seem hard. maybe?
This is just my thoughts on the relationship, don't be too hard on me puhlizz.
With that I end this entry, til then x
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